it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
