you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
