before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
