We named our party play list daddy issues
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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