I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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