I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
