how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sext me about skeletons
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
