Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
