I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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