i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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