is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He told me they were just razor bumps!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
