And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
