Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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