a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
