those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
