Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
