Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
