I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
