My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
