I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
