dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
