he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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