just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
last night I used snow as a chaser
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