a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
