You just made me feel so damn special
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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