Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just puked most of my soul out..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
