What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
