You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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