how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So much rum. So many feels.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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