last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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