So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
