im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
