She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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