She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
