I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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