I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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