So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
