Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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