But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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