I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
