What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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