sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
