Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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