are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
