Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
