i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
