(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
