Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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