One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
