i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
